late luminescence

photo: from the window of my freshman dorm in Berkeley, CA

howdy :)) it's been around six months... instagram kind of has become an addiction, IM IN COLLEGE (bizarre to think the last time i posted i wasn't... that's how normal it's become?), and it's nearly the end of winter break. i've been writing, i promise. 2023: to new chapters!

January 14, 2023 No comments

You blink and look and stare

and stare

As if trying to find the snag in the dream
the catch in the sweater
the cards hidden up someone's sleeves

The meaning of this miracle that tapped you on the elbow
in a coffee shop last week
bright with a smile and a "how are you doing?"

accusatory eyes searching, wanting to know

if you still kept the ashes
of a flame,

clung to the warmth
of a trail

listened for the thrum
of a heartbeat

long cold.

posted on: https://youngwritersproject.org/node/46070

October 03, 2022 No comments

photo: yet another sunset in Arcadia, CA

Yesterday in the shower I washed dried cherry juice from under my nails and remembered how at dinner I inspected a heart between my fingers and cut it open with a knife. The blade was red and I tried to press the plump flesh to my lips in hopes it would make me beautiful.

I am a villain of this story, which is really to say I am the writer who is playing all of their characters at once. I am the god, I am the heartbroken and the heartbreaker, I am the sadistic manic who sits quietly in the corner and consults the main character to get the hell over herself.

The water washes away my dramatics, and underneath I am a canvas of bitter pith covered in the crescent indents of a forgotten fury. I am the sister who pretends to sleep when the ants go mad. I am an evil I haven’t met before. Even after the days have gone by, I look at my pink fingertips and swear I can still feel the red.

July 23, 2022 No comments

photo: bedroom in Arcadia, CA

lie down and flex our toes // arms stretching towards an ache, // winding and unspooling at every muscle's whim // time babbling on in the low hum of our silence

I decide I've had enough of playing Angel and scrape limbs up off the carpet to settle down beside you.

lying cheek to chest // hair splayed vaguely beside, behind, and above us // cool air settling on our skin // everywhere // but where we rest against the other

I pinch your gray shirt between my fingers rub the fabric together, and your ribcage depresses.

lain inside a wide expanse of thinly filtered light // through windows onto skin // manufactured memories // brilliantly shadowed playrooms // where we spun while the world // failing to stand still

I roll over so my arms fold beneath my chin that tries to stab your chest, and you smile with your eyes closed.

waiting for the // // tick tock // // second chances? // // when did this become a game? // // pleas(e)?

And then someone makes a noise and you cave into your smile and when you open something breaks or maybe that something is someone and maybe that someone is me. And then you muse aloud that you wish everything could stay the same.

except nothing is // blinking // anymore.

"except nothing," i // curse-(or) // inside.

except nothing // will erase // this moment.

except not // all of // us were meant be mortal.

except // us. //

// // (I liked to dream.)

July 21, 2022 No comments

photo: concrete crack in Arcadia, CA

The game plan: WE ARE GOING TO WRITE EVERY. DAY. Draft a piece every night however I need to, and then "publish" the piece on here the next morning/noon (because you girl isn't a morning person). The pieces are going to be, and I am purposely using crass language here, shitty. The worst thing you've ever read. No expectations. I'm never going to be a freaking writer if I don't write. And for Tanvi and Nelly and all of my friends who have watched Set It Up, I'm essentially clobbering myself with a pillow and declaring that I won't stop eating salsa and chips until I see this through. Lovely. Thank you for staying for my dramatics.

7/22/22 Update: I WILL GIVE MYSELF REWARDS! Reward for one week will be being able to post/story (depending on confidence level) about my favorite piece of the week :))

July 21, 2022 No comments

photo: thrifty's mint choc chip + cotton candy icecream :))

11/8/21: "I know you don't want to hear from me, but I am selfish"

Perhaps a little lonely, too.

There is nothing quite like ping pong,
a kid made of mischief and wayward grins clicking the flashlight:

on. and off. and on and off and on.

And then staring into an abyss,
falling into the habit of trusting there will always be
another lighthouse flashing back.

Kismet. There is a witty romance in the word,
a feather light kiss and a "well met" that's stuck in your cheek.
I wish, I wish, I wish I could have my pick
of grapes on the trellis, or fruit from the orchard.

And yet, a part of me knows not to waste my Angel numbers
and lucky dimes on things that could bring me to my knees.

See, that's for selfish prayers at night. Wondering what love is,
what God is, what I am. No matter how far I go, home is the heart
in this breast, the breath in this chest.

My mom says I best well not forget it,
even as I will feel sorry for it, most days.

I will wonder if people love the moon more than the sun,
even if I know I do not.

Because the suns in the sky, the stars, even they must
want to be heard, to travel so far.

I am not bold enough to say they are envious,
but wouldn't it be something if everyone realized
even the stars get lonely too.

The fires all go cold, and all feel It creeping in
sometimes. Still they burn.

March 23, 2022 No comments