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late luminescence


for my very delly friend, Yoko

I can't remember how me met

so I like to make up fantasies

Because for some reason it feels important
to know the beginning of our story
Even if it's only the start 

I pretend to know.

I. 
I'd like to think we're soul sisters
And perhaps in another life, twins
maybe we met in orchestra
but I don't think that's it.

Was it our passion for reading
where we had a friend version
of a "meet cute" in our school's 
ridiculously tiny library?

Or was it that class we had together
in which we rarely talked at first
because I was constantly

living in a book

and you had your own friends?

II.
What I do remember is Scrabble and

D-E-L-L-Y

but nobody batted an eye
until a boy came up as class ended
and said "what the heck is that?"

it was the joke of the week
"Are you dellying okay?"
"I feel just delly"

We looked like manic fools
but we didn't care
because all was right
In the world

III.
I remember early mornings after WEB
filming a message for the friend 
who'd just moved away

jumping up and down  
on concrete benches

making the wackiest faces
The other students stared

but we didn't care
because all was right
In the world

IV.
Or those lazy study halls
sixth period silliness

when we were all taking pictures of everyone else

I still have a few of you,
hiding in a black sweatshirt
peeking out against 
the green webbed lunch tables

I stole your glasses, running around the cafeteria
Peels of tangerine laughter 

echoing,
turtles all the way down

but we didn't care
because all was right in the world.

V.
Or in seventh grade
When we complained about
the lack of boyfriend material in this dump

You told me about Penguin
and the boy with the golden hair

My imagination took it, and flew
For months, I spammed you
wIth all you penguin stickers
Hangouts could afford me

Shamelessly retelling the tale 
on loop

you didn't care mind (most days)
because all was right in the world

VI.
But then you told us
That you were leaving
And my brain didn't

wouldn'tcouldn't

wrap around it
We toasted to having "The best year there'll ever be"
And steamrolled on

We still couldn't care
because right then, 
all was still right in our world

VII.
And then there was Florida
A week that was
full of rollercoasters
literally
Together,
we got drenched
we shrIeKed ScreaMed laUgheD

Oh, how we laughed
ever so much
when we sang disney waiting in line
and how a random dude ahead of us
belted "Let It Go"

And we couldn't care
because all was right in our world

VIII.
On the last day of school
You, me, and all of our friends
gathered at your place
You made pizzas
With the weirdest toppings
We sang songs
Crowding around
the Arcadian version
of a bonfire
Trying so hard
to recreate
every moment
But even then
We couldn't,
wouldn't care
Because all was right
In our world

IX.
And then I left first
And you left too
So I chased you 
all the way to Japan
Which by the way,
looking back,
was insane

I've never told you this
Or at least I haven't
verbally
But on the plane ride there,
I found I couldn't breathe
thinking about you,
a lump formed in my throat
tears leaked out of my eyes
and dripped onto my heart
And all was not right
In my world

X.
But when I saw you,
once again
At the overpriced pizza parlor
in Tokyo, Japan
it was like no time had passed
That day with you
and my family
was one of the best
I ever had
It was the 
perfect goodbye

And after that I knew
that the reason we never cared
is because we knew it would never end
This friendship was not going to fade
just because you moved across the ocean
into a different time zone
fifteen hours away
We're stronger than that
as long as we are friends
all will always be right
in this massive world of ours

XI.
So don't let the heat getcha
and have fun 
staying at home
and NOT going on an adventure
If you don't believe me
I have it in writing, 
that this is what 
a little wise lady
now residing in Tokyo
once wrote me

So lately, I’ve been thinking
Maybe it doesn’t matter
how we met
at all
Who says
every story
needs a "once upon a time"?
Perhaps all that matters
Is the journey
And adventure
roller coaster, even
We’re still on
Together


posted on: https://youngwritersproject.org/node/33757
April 09, 2020 No comments
photo: my favorite Untamed memes 

It's five in the morning,
we've binged the past four nights
and the end has finally come.
The theme music plays
one last time
and I'm crying
fat, rolling tears,
heart in tatters,
despite the fact
that there's been a happy ending.

Excusing myself to the restroom,
breathing
in and
out,
I watch a tear
inch down my face 
leaving a shining trail
in its wake.
I swipe at it
trying
to pull myself together.
I look into the mirror,
startling myself,
laughing aloud
when I see 
what an ugly mess
my face is,
breathing
in 
and out.

Oh my gosh, what happened to you?
Mom chuckles
when she sees my face.

Grinning, I joke,
Ask the hormones.

And we both start cackling,
peals of laughter
bouncing off the walls.
It's a terrible joke,
but it's the best you'll hear
at 5 a.m.

Soon, it's just too much
and all of the tears
I've dammed up
burst free

Every laugh
ending as a sob,
tears streaming down my face,
clutching my stomach,
gasping for breath,
chest tight,
rising and falling,
hands swiping,
unable to keep up
with the downpour.

Are you OK?
Mom asks,
actually concerned.
I attempt to compose myself,
panting,
trying to comprehend,
all these tired, scrambled feelings.

I don't know what's happening, Mom

I wail, wheezing,
starting to laugh,
and cry
all over again.

For a second she just looks,
staring at
her crazy, deranged daughter
laughing and sobbing
like a madman.

I'm not OK,
but I can't stop.
I'm spent
and I don't know
what's happening.
Really.
Just ask the hormones.


Posted On: https://youngwritersproject.org/node/33706 & Daily Read
April 08, 2020 No comments
photo: my bedroom floor haha

I've been tossed in tip jars

by soft manicured hands
Flung into fountains
by whispering dreamers

Hundreds of footsteps
Trekked along the sidewalk
All of their owners
Too busy bustling 
To take the time to pick up
A mere penny

Abandoned on the pavement
The scorching rays of sun
made my copper glow
And there I sat
waiting

Until one day
a little girl spotted 
Abe Lincoln's shiny head
and saw treasure

Pinched between chubby fingers
An ebullient smile
Presented to a mother
I felt brand new again

The lady patted her head,
Sweetie, how wonderful
And my little girl
Was over the moon

A lucky penny
She murmured reverently
And I felt love 
emanating off of her

watching and listening
the very next day
from a snug jean pocket
Daddy, Daddy

Was met with a horrible silence
and dismissed 
by the wave of a beer bottle
It was the first time I tasted
Salty rain

She whimpered in the closet
Fisting me in a grubby palm
And I willed the mother to come
and make the downpour stop
But the closet stayed dark 

I was soon slipped
into a ceramic pig's belly
a lonely clink at the bottom
echoing
but soon enough, others came
coins with stories like mine
pinging against one another

When it was starting
To get quite cramped
The darkness was smashed
Our prison was dead
And light flooded in

Crazed eyes
And greedy paws
Grabbed handfuls of my friends 
and stuffed them in tattered pockets
E PLURIBUS UNUM
left among the shards
of broken ceramic

Soon enough
A young woman with
Dim eyes, barely there
Kneeled by the pink fragments
And sobbed into filthy hands

Until her eyes caught 
a flash of copper
amid her shattered dreams
And cool metal kissed 
warm, callused hand

Once more, I stared into 
the tear-streaked face
Of my little girl
Now, all grown up

She smiled at me wistfully
Silent tears slipping down her face
And I was once again
Clutched in her sweaty palm
Held against her chest
while she remembered

Her hot breath told me 
of a father's drinking problems
and a loving mother long gone
how there was no more money 
and hunger gnawed a hole in her stomach

Oh, lucky penny I am!
I wailed bitterly to myself
As she ran a nail along LIBERTY 
I yearned to give her more
Than "IN GOD WE TRUST"

How I wished then
that I were not 
A useless copper penny
who could not even buy
a morsel to eat 
Instead I longed to be
a crisp, green bill 
for her
my penny picker-upper

(NOTE: E PLURIBUS UNUM means "out of many, one" and is printed on the tails side of a penny)


posted on: https://youngwritersproject.org/node/33685
April 07, 2020 No comments

It's hard to write 
a fiery romance
when your eyelids
are drooping, 
half closed

I wanted the poem
To have a fire theme
seared, smoky, flavorful
Not the most original idea
I admit
But it ended up
being burnt to a crisp
And dipped in
cheese fondue
Anyway

Sleep is taunting me
singing it's sweet lullaby
but my mind is still racing
with the most useless thoughts
I yearn for the blank nothingness
Just let me sleep!
 

posted on: https://youngwritersproject.org/node/33665
April 06, 2020 No comments

Stuck in this room
With so much to do
But not really wanting
To do it
Alone

I should play my viola
Or I'm going to get rusty
But the lonely music stand
Doesn't compel me
How I yearned for a solo
Once upon a time
Now I can't bear
To play
Alone

Without the swell
Of music 
Roaring and whispering
Being a part
of a greater whole
A symphony
Sounds better 
Than my playing
Alone

I could probably
read a book
Pick one from inside
The bursting gray bin
Some well loved
With familiar worn pages
Some brand new
Waiting to be
set free

But those pages
don't call to me
Like they once did before
I wish I could go
to the library
Kneel on the rough floors
To beg the shelves 
for the medicine I need
For the characters to come to life
So I don't feel so desolately
Alone

I have stacks and stacks
Of homework
I should probably dive into
But when I sit down
at the desk
I'm overwhelmed
By waves of longing

To take the twelve minute walk
Down to the school
Lose myself in crowded halls
Once full of smiles and chatter
Sit down in those tiny desks
The stagnant air
Once full of focused energy
When nobody could ever be truly
Alone

I try to make birthday cards
But it just gets me down
When I think about
How my birthday this year
Will be celebrated
Alone

It was supposed to be my 16th
The big bash
Now all I can do 
Is stare at the bunting banners
And golden happy birthday
We bought ahead of time
That only I will admire
Alone

So I'm still lying in bed
So hungry it hurts
I guess I'll down now
And eat breakfast
Alone


posted on: https://youngwritersproject.org/node/33615
April 04, 2020 No comments

Tonight,

Or rather 
this morning
The night sky is purple gray
Unlike what
romantic poems say

I can't tell
if it's the light
beaming from streetlamps
intruding on the night
the man-made
piece of day
because the stars
were not enough

Or the gloomy storm clouds
an endless swath of gray
that have descended 
on sunny LA
it seems
they are here to stay
Stifling the vastness
Of the open sky

Either way
Via light pollution
Or climate change
Yet another thing
we humans
Have ruined


posted on: https://youngwritersproject.org/node/33561
April 02, 2020 No comments

This year
Easter has been cancelled
because the world 
has turned into
scrambled eggs

our smooth protection
was just a facade
too fragile
for the likes of our world
now cracked
beyond repair

Right now it looks
like a big ol' mess
but look!
it's sizzling
add some pepper
and a pinch of salt
and we can have
scrambled eggs

the easter bunny
won't come this year
no egg hunts
no candy
what a tragedy

but at least
at the end of it all
we'll have 
scrambled eggs


posted on: https://youngwritersproject.org/node/33546
April 02, 2020 No comments
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Hey, this is amaryllis :) So, if you're on here, I probably finally allowed you to read my work or this was a totally accident (happy one I hope). Either way, welcome! Also, as a reminder to those who know me-- remember that although much of it may seem like it's based off irl, some of it is fiction. Enjoy, and if you feel compelled to, I would love to see what you think in the comments!

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