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late luminescence


photo: dewy cloversand pine needles in Arcadia, CA

Legs twined in sweaty blanket

although it's sweltering
I need it
This knot binds me
So I don't float away
from my home
which has shrunk
to this room
or more exactly,
this bed

This is the only place I feel safe
from the Great Yearning
that wants to escape these 
four blank walls
and have a change in scenery
beyond these streets

Today, eyebrows furrowed
Inquiring the world
through the tap of my fingertips
Until pixels swarm
Waging war on my eyes
Staring at a screen, all day
Again

When I roll over
stricken eyes sighing as I blink
and don't open my eyes
My mind, bored again
Wanders
to how I'll probably need glasses
by the end of this
if there's an end
thinking about the world outside 
this house, this room, this bed
No, not this spiral again
It only destroys
The "OK" I have established
in this home of damp sheets

Eyes shutter open
To dam the incoming thoughts
But my gaze lands on the dying sun
And the rubberband snaps
Tugging on cut-offs
The rest blurs together
Finally jerking to a halt
Sitting in thorny grass 
Greasy hair on display (shh... don't think about that)
On my front lawn
where I collapse
staring up at the emerging moon
half there (good enough!)
in the watercolor sky

closing my stinging eyes
opalescent air
stress released
preparing to surrender
only here can I handle
and let the waves of Yearning
envelop me


Posted On: https://youngwritersproject.org/node/34271
April 30, 2020 No comments

It's summer now, 
& if we were in school
All the girls would be wearing 
skimpy tank tops and too-short shorts
scraps I could never imagine pulling off
& the boys would have an excuse
to wipe their forehead sweat
with the bottoms of their shirts
to show off nonexistent abs

It's summer now,
& if we still had lunch @ school
my friends & I would be
moving six feet over
together
into the shade
& six feet would just be a shift
not a gaping hole
that forces us apart

It's summer now,
& if it was over 90 degrees
We'd be complaining about the heat
The scorching rays of sun
that we all secretly love
& our biggest complaint would be
sock tans
comparing the sudden contrast,
the dichotomy between gold and white

It's summer now,
& if Sadies hadn't been cancelled
we'd be gossiping about
what would've been this past Friday
which would've been my first high school dance
& I'd be twirling in a fancy dress
instead of playing Just Dance

It's summer now,
& if we still saw boys other than our brothers
we'd be whispering in loud voices
and shouting in hushed tones
laying stake to our crushes
that would probably last
no more than two months
& that'd be okay
because we'd have AP exams & finals
to cram for instead

It's summer now,
& I'm trapped in my own home
estranged from everything I once knew
It's barely been two months
but it feels like two years
& I'm reminiscing in what would've 
what should've, what could've
even though deep down I know
those memories
this summer
were never mine to hold


Posted On: https://youngwritersproject.org/node/34175
April 26, 2020 No comments

photo: one of many passenger freeway telephone lines pics

He floated away

One golden dusk
Watching the sunset
Mute the colors
Dreading the night
Afraid of the monsters that emerge
When smoky grays and purples
swallow his world
Choosing to blaze right alongside
The fiery crimson and lemons
Deciding to follow the sun
to the ends of the Earth
So that aquamarines,
periwinkles, royal blues
coraline pinks, and tangerines
emeralds, fresh grass,
Soft lilacs and burnt umber 
Would not become mere shadows
in night's dark cavernous mouth
He collected them all on his palette
Brushes of the breathy white undersides of clouds
And all the different hues of denim that exist

Until he got lost
in the horizon
and its rainbow
a kaleidoscope
of endless shades
chasing ombres of pastel clouds
in the prismic luster of rainbows,
He bent down to his knees and panted
Watching the sun in the distance
Promising himself he'd catch up

He painted himself a reflective glass
filled with the clearest sapphire water
with languid, smooth splashes
gulping down the crystalline sky
And his thirst was quenched.

He then found his head was quite heavy
and painted himself a fluffy cushion
light, quick caresses
Made of lavender unicorn manes
Carnival cotton candy
and angel shaped clouds
And his head was pillowed.

But he got very cold
Shivering in icy cerulean
And painted a mossy blanket
laced with emeralds
lined with ferns
broad, firm strokes
And his trembling abated.

But all of the sudden, everything felt
too bright
And all around him, scintillating
why was the world so glaringly light?
so he painted and painted
Layering color after color
hue on top hue
brushes, caresses, splashes, strokes
Until he created one 
he didn't have yet.
Finally completely content,
he fell asleep
in a sea of shadows
an inky whirlpool
an endless night
of his own creation


Posted On: https://youngwritersproject.org/node/34151
April 24, 2020 No comments

Gold is slipping down the horizon
As I sit, alone, in this metal chair
Gulping down dusk's nectar breath
Admiring Mother Earth from my yard

A sprinkler puddle shimmers, catching my eye
Soft breezes dance past, ticking my neck
The whirring wings of a hummingbird zip by
As the crickets tune for a midnight concert

But one day, all that is green will turn gray
No sprinklers needed, who wants real grass?
Hummingbirds have long been extinct
And dead silence in place of euphonious melodies

We'll still be wearing masks
But not because of some virus
But because if not, we'll start choking on the air
Devoid of trees and oxygen

This is the track we are on
The future our bullet trains
Processed foods and plastic islands
are steamrolling, barrelling towards

Greedy, greedy little creatures
And in time we will learn,
Biting the hand that feeds us
Will only result in pain

We have poisoned our Mother
Cancer by carbon dioxide and plastic
Carelessly exploiting her treasures
She is dying

She is suffering, and they say politics!
One day, they will realize too late
The deaths of the helpless
Will weigh on their shoulders

That pile of dolts, who we pay, trust to protect us
A whole host of politicians and an orange president
Are going to let the floods, earthquakes, tsunamis
come wipe us out, paying for their ignorance

They'll hide in their ivory towers
Waiting the hard times out
Maybe make a useless speech, just for face
Ruling a country too weak to stand up

I just can't understand
The world we live in now
If everyone's focused on today,
Who's thinking about tomorrow?

Please, please, I'm begging you
We have to make a stand
This problem has grown too big
For just a few to shoulder the burden

It is one for all right now
When we should be all for one
After all, we all want a tomorrow
Or we wouldn't be fighting so hard for today

Science says it's still barely possible
So please join the cause
The sand is slipping too fast
We cannot fight this alone

Do it for a brighter tomorrow,
for all future generations
So each morning is one we want to wake up to
When the sun finally comes around
Let dawn's brilliance make the sky blush
instead of illuminating a trail of smoky regrets
Let birds chirp in emerald trees
instead of grating and grinding machinery
Let us take breath after breath of crisp oxygen
instead of wearing a mask

Posted On: https://youngwritersproject.org/node/34092
April 23, 2020 No comments


I feel alive when you look at me

every hair standing on end
breath trapped inside my body
Waiting for what you say next

I am chocolate melting in the face of the sun
the smallest particles of my body freed
playing on a summer's day
when we brush past one another

And with my atomic structure
There goes my head
Half the time I don't even know
where my mouth gets these words

But you, you don't even notice
That there's a brown puddle on the sidewalk
Where the girl you just waved to once stood
Languishing in the memory of your warmth

She is gone, gone, gone
Up on cloud nine
Turning around to look at your back
And smile the goofiest grin

She is almost not me at this point
Cracking jokes left and right
Practically dancing in the halls
And as you know, I don't dance

And then the next period, daydreaming in class
Concocting conversations that'll never happen
Not in a million years, I say
She nods, but simply carries on anyway

She's a little stupid, and a lot messy, I admit
After all, her brain took a hike 10 minutes ago
But she's a burst of sultry sweetness contrasting
with the bitter bastion that I tell myself to be

I feel alive when you look at me
Because for a moment
The seams the world has stitched into me loosen,
and I become someone new


Posted On: https://youngwritersproject.org/node/34061
April 21, 2020 No comments

I feel like a shellfish
Complaining about
my smooth, safe shell
how I swoop with the currents
after a turtle knocks me over
trying to remove the suffocating
clear, dead jellyfish
clutching its throat
while there is bedlam
in the ocean

I feel like a snook
separated from my school
after a black net
closed around us
Only grazed my fin
But instead of thinking
how thankful I am
For the fact that
I'm alive
I wonder if my scrape
Will attract a shark

But for turtle in distress
The fish in my school
Their problem is not
Being slightly tossed around
And at most, a little dizzy
Or the what if
Of attracting a shark

They're lives have been changed
Irrevocably
The turtle is probably dead
Suffocated by a plastic bag
That has a big red dot surrounded by a circle
T-A-R-G-E-T
The fish have probably been pan fried
baked, or grilled
or dropped into a prison of glass
dying a slow, cancer-like death
Always seeing hungry eyes and teeth
Plagued by prodding fingers
Tapping the glass
But the worst is
boiling alive in a science classroom
With delighted shrieks of students

So I feel like a shellfish
and a separated snook
Grumbling about my six foot radius
how bored, how lonely
After being bowled over by a country
trying not to choke on a pandemic
While the world
has been plunged into chaos

a type of plastic bag
That clings to the lungs
punching holes until we can't breathe
capturing our lives as hostage
and killing some forthright
A logo of
Masks and wary eyes
seen everywhere
C-O-R-O-N-A V-I-R-U-S


Posted On: https://youngwritersproject.org/node/34031
April 20, 2020 No comments

Layers of pitch bog down the night
Stagnant air filled with foreboding
But it's probably my overactive brain
Still suffering from the five cups 
of scalding murky caffeine
Guzzled this morning
Just to make me feel slightly awake
before sprinting to the office
Right?

My phone buzzes on my desk
bzz bzz bzz bzzzzz
like Beethoven's 5th symphony
dun dun dun dunnn
I hum as I begin to  
extract myself from the warmth
but hesitate
Early meeting tomorrow
Can't get sucked into the whirlpool
That is Candy Crush and Instagram,
Solitaire and Clash Royale
Again
but what if it's important?
Like someone's in the hospital
Or they're canceling the meeting?
I debate with myself
As mad-women do

My phone vibrates again
Solidifying my resolve
Not to get near my phone
But again and again
Beethoven on steroids
Incessant
The choice is out of my hands
Unlocking the device
As it vibrates in my hand

"We are under attack."
The glowing words proclaim
"Lock your doors and bar your windows"
Probably a scam
But.... what if?
Heavy footfalls to the door
Better safe than sorry

A flurry of texts
becomes a storm
Banging on my apartment door
Hinges about to fly off
But this has to be a dream
Right?

Pinching myself
Until crimson tears
Slapping my cheeks
Until it stings
Look through peephole
Screams echo
Faces of strangers
Morph into neighbors
My closest friends
My family
Pleading eyes
Bloody party dress
Torn PJs
Tears streaming
Begging
Nightmare
Reality
Hand on knob
cold metal bites
Slick with sweat
that is red
frozen
fear consumes
love wins
turning
flinging
open

heaving
dead 
crazed 
obsidian 
damp 


the hall is empty 


Posted On: https://youngwritersproject.org/node/34008
April 18, 2020 No comments
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Message from Yours Truly

Hey, this is amaryllis :) So, if you're on here, I probably finally allowed you to read my work or this was a totally accident (happy one I hope). Either way, welcome! Also, as a reminder to those who know me-- remember that although much of it may seem like it's based off irl, some of it is fiction. Enjoy, and if you feel compelled to, I would love to see what you think in the comments!

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